


Suddenly I know I'm not Sleeping

by RyunnKazan



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, RSS, Rumbelle Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 15:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8923282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyunnKazan/pseuds/RyunnKazan
Summary: @penguniboy prompted: Please Just Fix This Mess





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [penguinboy](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=penguinboy).



> @penguinboy prompted for their Secret Santa: Please Just Fix This Mess  
> I rewrote this four days before the deadline and am eager for you to see! For your listening enjoyment, may I suggest Trivium’s Rise Above the Tides? It really inspired me right as I was collapsing.  
> Merry Christmas and happy Rumbelling!

_“That’s you all over, isn’t it? Afraid of failing. That’s worse than being evil, that’s just being too weak to be good.”_

**_No, that’s not true-_ **

_“Next time I will run so fast and so far that you will never set eyes on this child!”_

**_No Belle don’t take him from me please._ **

_“Rumple it’s over! There’s nothing left for you to say!”_

**_Belle no I can fix this._ **

_Please please please-_

_It hurts. It hurts so bad._

_I_

_Want_

_It_

_To_

**_STOP_ **

Rumplestiltskin gasped awake, swatting away Belle’s hateful words, thus causing his hands to become entangled in the tubes coming out of unforeseen places of his body.

“Oh gods!” Someone cried. “He’s awake!”

Rumple stilled at the sound of Belle’s voice. It was nothing like the maliceful one that had been turning his very soul into dust. Her tone was filled with distress. The Dark One’s instincts kicked in and he searched for Belle, hissing in annoyance as his stiff body lulled to wake with his mind.

Belle ran—no, she hobbled—to his side and fell into his lap, wrapping arms tightly around him.

“Oh Gods, Rumple!” Belle sobbed into his shoulder. “You’re awake! You’re finally awake!”

Rumple’s hands hovered above her shoulders, wanting to rub them and comfort his devastated wife, but his mind was still in a whirlwind. Just a moment ago she was snarling hatred at him, swearing that he would never be with his son after sending him away with the Blue Fairy. He retreated to his shop, destroying everything and anything in his sight until his grief had become so powerful he passed out on the dusty floor.

Now he was in his bedroom at the pink mansion, hospital equipment scattered across the once immaculate room, and Belle holding onto him like he was the only thing in the world.

Belle pulled from her embrace, hands running over his face and hair, fingers tracing every line and pore.

“You’re here. You’re finally here!” she sobbed.

He took hold of the hands, pulling the trembling appendages from his face. The instantly clenched around his fingers, desperate not to let him go. The behavior was a welcome differentiation compared to how she would barely stand in the same room with him just a moment ago.

Was it just a moment ago? What was going on?

“Belle, I don’t understand.” Rumple stated. “We were fighting. We…we lost everything.”

Belle’s eyebrows furrowed. “What’s the last thing you remember?” she inquired, brushing his long hair way from his face.

He stared at her. “Belle, you just gave birth to our son. You sent him away.” A burst of hurt ran through him. “You sent him away with the women who caused Bae to go missing. You took our son from me!”

Belle flinched back. Her husband had never spoken to her this way, even when they were fighting.

“Rumple, I don’t know what you saw but-”

“But it’s my fault?” he snarled. “It’s always my fault isn’t it, Belle? Dear, heroic Belle couldn’t possibly be to blame. No, having her child grow up an orphan is much better than growing up with a father who would die for him!”

“Rumple stop and listen-”

“STOP!” he exclaimed. “Stop being bad, Rumple! Stop using magic, Rumple.” He laughed bitterly but pushed Belle’s hands away gently. He would never hurt her; no amount of anger would change that.

“I’m tired of stopping. I have to start moving before that gnat poisons our son into some self-righteous hypocrite.” He began pulling at the tubes and IVs when Belle grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach.

He stopped, watching his own fingers spread to cup the round shape. He flinched when he felt the life inside move.

“I’m seven months pregnant, Rumple.” Belle stated calmly, cautiously laying her hand atop his. “And it’s a girl.”

Rumple met her eyes, glassy blue and filled with patience, just as they had been before he burned the bridge between them.

He looked back to Belle’s protruding belly, filled with the life he doubted he would ever see. Before, when the idea of starting over was teased by his villainous father in Neverland, he took the time to imagine what having a child with his True Love could be like. He imagined the first sonogram where they would learn the gender of their child, of the nursery colors and clothes that would follow. Of tending to Belle’s cravings and watching her bloom with motherhood. Most of all, he imagined being there for her when their child was born, of holding him and telling him that his papa would always love him.

Those moments had been stolen from him by a mix of his cowardliness and Belle’s rash conclusions.

But they hadn’t…not yet. The evidence was right under his palm.

“How is this possible?” He whispered, struggling to understand the two realities before him.

A familiar laugh ran through the air and Rumple instantly went on defense.

“It would seem you had quite the nightmare, Dark One.”

“Belle, get behind me.” Rumple snarled, willing a spell through his shaky hand.

“I don’t believe you’re in any position to fight anyone, let alone me, old friend.”

“I won’t let you hurt them, Hyde.”

Belle pulled away from Rumple, causing the dark one to panic as she asserted herself between her husband and the sinister Mr. Hyde.

“It’s okay, Rumple.” She reassured gently. “He’s on our side. He’s helping me find a way to wake you up, to protect you and our child.”

Rumple looked to Hyde. He hadn’t made a move towards Belle but instead circled her to assess Rumple’s IV and heart monitor.

“Why would you do that?” the Dark One commanded. “You were willing to use her as leverage against me not too long ago.”

“And your wife has not let me forget that.” Hyde affirmed, sending a teasing smile Belle’s way.

Belle gave him a condescending look and the former warden turned back to the IV.

“But why?” Rumple insisted, feeling his heartbeat increase. “What is going on here? This isn’t how…this wasn’t…”

Belle jumped as Rumple’s heart monitor picked up. She sent Hyde a frightened look and he prepared a syringe. Belle almost protested; her husband had just woken up and now she was going to have to watch him sleep again. They had lost so much time, so many moments, and she was grieving for every single second.

“Belle…” he tried to fight the unconsciousness that was biting at his vision. He didn’t want to risk this being a dream and waking up to find his wife despising him and his son in an unknown location.

“Rumple!” Belle squatted at his side the best she could with her belly in the way. “Rumple, I know you still have a lot of questions but this is the gist: You tried to wake me in the dream realm. Morpheus gave you a price: my and the baby’s consciousness for your internal sleep.” Belle petted his hair, which was in desperate need of a cut. “You were our hero Rumple.”                                                                  

Rumple’s lips parted in question but his eyes closed before the words could come out. His heartbeat stabilized as sleep took him, his chest rising and falling unevenly.

Belle pulled back, caressing her belly. The excitement had caused the baby to become restless and Belle wished desperately that Rumple was awake again to feel it.

“This is all my fault.” She whispered.

“You’ve been saying that for seven months.” Hyde stated, reminding Belle of his presence.

“Because it’s the truth.” She fought. “I let my fear and anger at him blind me. Because of me he’s like this. He didn’t get to feel our daughter kick for the first time, didn’t get to see her at the sonogram. He missed all of that because of me!”

Hyde threw away the syringe he used to put the Dark One to sleep with. “You did what you thought was right. Your husband understands that more than anyone.”

Belle almost smiled in thanks at him, but not quite. She was grateful that she had his company these last few months, but his dark smiles and gleeful eyes still left her on edge.

“You should get some rest.” He suggested, his more nurturing side daring to peek from his crueler charismatic exterior. “You have nothing to worry about now.”

Belle nodded, waiting for him to leave before relinquishing herself of her shoes and cardigan and curling up beside her husband. She situated herself as comfortably as she could with her pregnant belly and the tubes and IVs that had been keeping Rumplestiltskin alive.

She placed her arm carefully over his chest, laying her head on his shoulder. Though her heart was heavy with regret, she was excited that her husband would wake up this time. She’d tell him everything and they could begin anew.

She just hoped he would want the same thing.

-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-

Rumple woke to the sound of the heart monitor and the familiar scent of Belle’s scent. He paused, wondering in his sleepy daze if waking up to his wife was only a dream. He never thought this would happen again, that Belle would ever want to be domestic in any way with him.

Belle stirred, jerking when she felt Rumple’s uneven heartbeat under her hand. She shot up, grinning at the site of her husband’s surprised brown eyes.

“Hey.” She smiled, leaning up the best she could.

“Hi…” he smiled in return, feeling unnaturally happy with the sight of her despite the pain in his chest.

Belle stretched, willing her body awake. She had much to discuss and catch up with her husband. “How do you feel?”

Rumple looked around the room he once shared with his wife. The room itself was filled with memories he would always cherish: nights of making love and making plans for the future. None of those plans consisted of him being surrounded by medical equipment with his seven-month pregnant wife by his side.

But compared to the world he had been living in, this was paradise.

“It sounds like,” Belle groaned, leaning up on her elbow. “we have a lot to talk about.”

“Now you want to talk?” he scoffed.

Belle stared at him uncertainly and Rumple cursed himself.

“I’m so sorry Belle.” Rumple sighed. “I didn’t mean...”

Belle shook her head. “Whatever you’ve been dreaming of for the past few months was the only reality you’ve known. It’s going to be a while for you to shake it off and remember what really happened.”

Rumple breathed. “What happened? I can’t remember making a deal with Morpheus.”

Belle’s eyes furrowed as she tried to connect the events what happened with the events in his false realities.

“I was in the castle again.” Belle reminisced.  “I was scared, but not for long.” She smiled. “You asked me to dance and I was so excited.”

Rumple smiled with her. “I remember that. I was trying to help you fall in love with me again.” He paused. “I’m sorry I tricked you. I was desperate-”

Belle shushed him, fearing more for his heart than his conscience. “I understand. You tried to wake us the only way you knew how.”

He sighed gratefully. In his nightmare, Belle was less than willing to hear him out or understand his reasoning. He hadn’t blamed her of course, but each time she had turned him away or cut him off, the hole in his heart expanded and any hope that he, Belle and their baby would have a future together fell in it.

Here, Belle was at least tolerating his unorthodox ways, commending him for the things he tried to do right instead of annualizing him for the things he didn’t succeed in.

“Anyhow,” Belle continued, “Morpheus came into the dream and claimed he was our son.” Belle sighed dreamily. “It was so easy to believe him, Rumple. He looked just like us. He had your eyes and my smile. And when he told me to not trust you anymore I almost listened.”

Rumple nodded. “I don’t blame you, not after everything I put you through.”

“That was my thinking at the time.” She admitted softly to take off the sting. “But then logic kicked in.” Belle chuckled at the memory. “I was about two weeks along; our child didn’t even have a heartbeat. How could he appear to us as an adult?”

“I tried to reason with our “son” telling him that I would protect him and that you loved him despite everything. It was then his true colors started to show. He threatened to force you out and keep me trapped, that he would never let me go.”

“But he failed?”

“Because of you.” She caressed her thumb over his hand. “You made a deal with him: my freedom for your captivity. You were trapped in a nightmare of his choosing.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I had to wake up alone and pregnant, had to drag you through a portal to get you home. It was terrifying and I went to the Charmings thinking they wouldn’t hesitate to help me but...”

Rumple sat up some. “What did they do, sweetheart?”

“They, mainly Emma, said it was better for everyone, **for me** , if you stayed the way you were. David had helped her get you back to the mansion but no one else would help me after that.”

Rumplestiltskin wasn’t surprised in the least. He knew those hypocrites would slit his throat if they felt they needed to. It did concern him that they would reject Belle after everything they, namely the pirate and the savior, did to her.

“They’re in for a surprise then.” He chuckled.

Belle shrugged. “We haven’t kept up with one another since they sent flowers in lieu of condolences.” She grimaced then. “FYI, do not every buy me flowers again.”

Rumple’s thoughts instantly turned to her father. “I’m guessing he won’t be at the baby shower?”

Belle’s smile was strained. “After some extensive investigating, I discovered that the heroes weren’t the only ones who had a lack of loyalty.”

“You discovered that your father…didn’t want to wake you?”

Belle nodded, her face blanched of emotion. “He said he rather I sleep forever than have to mother a demon’s spawn.” She turned to Rumple with a comforting smile. “I told him if that’s how he felt than he would never set eyes on his grandchild or me ever again.”

Rumple rubbed his thumb over her hand, searching a way to comfort her. While he had been in a comatose nightmare, she had been living one. She had been near isolated and had to endure the majority of her pregnancy with few allies and—

“Hyde!” Rumple gasped. “What did you promise him?”

Belle shushed him again, cupping his jaw. “It’s fine. Hyde’s different now.”

“Belle, he took you he—”

“Told me all about that.” Belle finished for him. “He wasn’t going to hurt me, Rumple, just use me against you.” She shrugged. “I’m used to that by now.”

Rumple looked at the open doorway. He could hear the clinking of dishes and running water. It disturbed him that one of his former foes was domesticating in his kitchen.

“He’s helped me set all of this up.” Belle motioned around the room. “He’s…he’s a…ally now.”

“Belle…”

“I know I haven’t been the best judged of character recently, but I’m sure about Hyde. He’s loyal, when I need him to be that is.”

Rumple still wasn’t sure, but Belle appeared unharmed. Perhaps his vendetta against him had settled. Or perhaps he had been waiting until he had woken to strike.

“What happened in your dream?” Belle inquired to distract him from the Hyde situation. “You were acting…intense when you woke?”

Suddenly Rumple felt tired. His mind, accustomed to abuse, was trying to shut down to prevent himself from having to relive the trauma. He wanted to forget, wanted to pretend everything he saw and experienced never happened.

“It was the worst thing I’ve ever had to go through, Belle.” He said, not able to meet her eyes. “You…I…we fought so much.”

“You said…that I sent our child with Blue?”

“You thought I accelerated your pregnancy but…Belle I would never do that I swear I-”

“Rumple, you need to calm down.” She put her hands over his heart as if she could sooth the irregular beat. “You’re under a lot of stress.”

Rumple nodded and breathed in uneasily. “Please, Belle. I’m going to be better. I don’t want to lose either one of you.”

“You won’t.” Belle smiled, kissing his fingers. “I would never deny our daughter her father. You’re a part of her Rumple, and she’s going to need you just like I do.” She leaned up to kiss his temple. “I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that.”

Rumple shook his head profusely. Belle should never have to apologize.

“Rest now.” She whispered into his hair. “We’ll talk more when you wake. We have a future to plan: ours and our baby’s.” Her smile was filtered with sadness and glee. “I can’t wait.”

Rumple fought the exhaustion creeping into his mind only briefly before he drifted into a dreamless rest. Belle wanted him to be a part her life. She wanted to raise their child together.

It didn’t mean that they would be a couple again; he still had a long ways before he could be forgiven for his prior sins. But Belle was giving him a chance, one that he swore on his life he would hold onto for dear life and cherish.

He was not going to destroy their family.

Belle watched him sleep just a while longer, making sure his heartbeat was steady before she eased herself out of bed, steadying her pregnant belly, and making her way downstairs where a not-so-pleasant disturbance was occurring.

Belle paused at the entry way to the kitchen, glaring at the additional guest at her table.

“I told you to never let her in here.” Belle snarled at Hyde, her eyes focused on the intruder however.

“Oh don’t fret, dear.” The Evil Queen grinned, leaning back in her chair far too comfortably for Belle’s liking. “I always let myself in. Your adorable little charms you attempt to cast just barely keep me out.”

Belle shot a glare at Hyde who at least had the audacity to look ashamed at his breach in Belle’s trust. Her trust was sacred, something she had taken away from every living soul who had once possessed it. Few had regained it and few ever would. Hyde may just be one on that list now.

“I won’t be staying for dinner I’m afraid.” The Queen sighed in dramatic regret. “I only came to check up the patient.”

“He’s the same as he was yesterday.” Belle spat. “Get out.”

The Queen chuckled, her sharp eyes giving Belle and all-knowing look. “The entire town felt the rush of power from his awakening, little bookworm.”

Belle sagged, unable to keep up the lie now that the truth was out.

“Now then.” The Queen smiled. “Let’s talk business.”

“No.” Belle said. “We made a deal at the beginning: you stay the hell away from my family and I don’t tear you apart.”

The Queen rolled her eyes. “The deal was I stay away from your little pack while the omega is comatose. He’s awake, and I’m ready to play.”

Belle stepped forward but Hyde stepped in her way.

“The baby.” He reminded her. “She is not below killing children.”

“It’s impolite to whisper about the guest.” The Queen teased. “I could have sworn you were more sophisticated, Mr. Hyde.”

“He is.” Belle spoke up. “I’m not. I want you out of my house, out of my life if you can manage. No deals, no house calls, just the echo of your high heels as you leave.”

The Queen stared at her with both annoyance and appreciation. “The Bookworm’s fangs finally came in.” she mused, chuckling then. “Very well, I only want one small thing and then I’ll be out of your hair for a while longer.”

Belle was ready to start throwing her sharpest silverware at her head.

“And what is that?”

“A thank you for completing that nasty chore you asked of me. Because of me, that dangerous spell was lifted off your Darling Dearest’s heart so you could wake him free of charge.” She frowned then. “Nearly free, that is.”

Belle knew she should give the bitch what she wanted so she would leave, but a sharper reply fell off her tongue before logic could.

“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it.”

The Queen’s sultry smile faded lightly. “Zelena was still family. I hold what little I have of that dear.”

“Yet you still ripped your big sister’s heart out and crushed it like tissue paper.”

The Queen jumped up, magic sparking on her fingertips. “You’d be wise to hold your tongue, girl.”

“I’m not the same foolish dreamer you locked in your tower all those years ago.” Belle gripped the back of the nearest chair. “You have no power over me, nor can you harm me or my family.”

The Queen lowered her hand, regaining her poise before she did something to ruin any chance she had at continuing her bridge with the Dark One’s wife.

“That’s what I thought.” Belle said. “Good day.”

“And?” The Queen pressed.                            

Belle sighed. “Thank you. Now get the hell out of my house.”

The Queen scoffed but made her way to the door, sending one final glance Hyde’s way.

“When you’re tired of playing Jeeves for the Darkless Ones, come find me and I can give you a real _position_.”

Hyde wisely held off a reply, waiting until the door clicked before he let out a scoff.

“I assumed Queen’s where more chaste when it came to their sphallolalia.”

“Not all Queens are her.” Belle spat. “Did you let her in?”

“No.” he defended immediately. “I was taking out the chicken when she appeared at the table.”

Now that her panic was gone, Belle could smell the dinner Hyde had prepared. Her stomach grumbled, but her paranoia clouded her hunger.

“Throw it out. She might have tainted it when you weren’t looking.”

“I never took my eyes off her.”                                          

“She’s slippery. My baby is due in two months and if she arrives a day earlier because of some magic mumbo jumbo I will find Jekyll and shove a corkscrew in his eyes!” Belle stopped the second the words came out of her mouth.

Oddly enough, Hyde chuckled. “Pregnancy has certainly changed you, Belle.” He began clearing the table of its well-set plates and glasses. “Or perhaps your husband’s dark habits have finally rubbed off on you.”

Belle gripped the chair harder. “Don’t antagonize me. I’m going to bed.” She turned for the staircase, eager to be by her husband’s side once.

“Did you tell him?” Hyde questioned down below.

Belle paused. “Did I tell him what?”

Hyde stood at the end of the staircase, watching the tenseness of her shoulders deepen. There were times when he wished to rub those shoulders, to feel her loosen under his grip and fall into him. Belle would not let him touch her, however, and his instinctive need for human contact was left unattended. He instead took pleasure in her reactions, such as the shame and anger she was letting off before him.

“Did you tell him about all the horrible things you did while he was asleep.”

Belle bit her lip, caressing her belly where her daughter slept peacefully from the world of monstrosities.

The monstrosities caused by her parents.

“Well?” he pressed when she didn’t answer. “Does he know what a naughty girl you were, Belle?”

The former warden suddenly felt his breath catch in his throat.

Belle slowly turned, her hand lifted in spell and a maintained eyebrow arched in salute to his pain.

“I do believe you’ve forgotten your place, Mr. Hyde.”

With a slight flick from her delicate wrist, the former warden was against the wall separating the kitchen from the sitting room, Belle in front of him.

“I’m keeping your sniveling counterpart alive so that you can live while he suffers, per our agreement. In exchange you’re at my disposal, and when you’re finally disposable, dear Mr. Hyde,” she pressed up on her toes to level her eyes, her belly just barely rubbing against his coat, “then I will dispose of you, also per our agreement.” She dropped him, leaving him gasping.

“Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal.” He gasped with a grin. “As always.”

Belle smirk. “Lovely. Goodnight.” She turned, her waddling hardly deterring the former warden’s fear and awe of the lady of the house.

She closed the door as soon as she was in her bedroom, leaning against the door and covering her mouth. She hated using magic of any sort, but the ones she used as a threat always left a bundle of guilt in her heart.

She never wanted to hurt anyone, but when everyone turned her back on her, _on her innocent child,_ Belle had done what she had to do.

Composing herself, Belle set about her nightly routine, which took more time now that she was deeper into her pregnancy. Ready for bed, she checked Rumple’s monitors one last time, a practice Hyde had thankfully taught her.

As she pulled back the covers, she reached under the bed into the bedspring, pulling her husband’s dagger out.

She smiled at his name upon the gleaming surface. The knife held dozens of lifetimes of pain and darkness. One of those lives was finally being filled with light. Her husband had once again sacrificed himself for her and her child, banishing the doubts she had of his love for her.

Belle’s smile vanished when she turned the dagger over. Where the knife would usually be blank laid her name, the proof of her descendent onto her husband’s dark path gleaming up at her.

“I had to do it.” She told herself every night when sleep wouldn’t come. “They were going to let him die; I couldn’t save him by myself.”

“I had to take the power.”

_You needed **us**._

Belle didn’t answer them, simply curled into her husband’s side where his shirt soaked her falling tears.

Seven months as an expecting mother had taught her much about parenthood. When you had to, you would do whatever was necessary to protect your child.

_You would turn yourself into a monster?_

“In a heartbeat.”

Rumple did.

Five months as a Dark One had taught her much about herself.

_You should have kept fighting?_

“I gave up on him. I shouldn’t have.”

_You’re not much of a hero, are you?_

“No.” Belle wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m saving my family. Screw heroism.”

_How will your dear Rumple feel about that?_

Belle stared down at her husband, rendered helpless from a world that had never been kind to him. She knew now why he held onto the power so hard. It was a shield against those who wanted to break him, wanted to break any and everything he loved.

“They won’t do that to you ever again.” She whispered to him. “I’ll protect you, Rumple.”

She lifted his hand and placed it on her stomach, a surprise for him to wake to.

“I’ll protect both of you.”

 

 

 

 


End file.
